blah blah blah

You know what....I Figured it out....

Getting PG is the single hardest thing I ever set out to accomplish. Harder than college, harder than moving or finding a mate.

And it was something to DO. Getting PG or going through IVF implies doing something in my mind. And although it sounds obvious, a 15 grand doing something takes a lot out of a person, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. And out of the ppl who support them too.

Now, being PG. That is a totally different thing. That is a state of being, not doing. It is something that is, not that happens. I was super prepared to doing something to get PG. I read all the books, asked all the questions, saw doctors all the time.

But, this being pregnant thing, it requires a place and state of acceptance and calm that honestly, I was not prepared for at all. I was thinking only 1 second ahead at all time. Marking time with milestones in each section of IVF.

But, now, I am pregnant. And, this brings along its own set of emotional issues that I was unprepared for.

Ready....let's go!

1. I want someone to go in there and look. I spent so much time looking at my innards that well, I am having seperation anxiety.

2. I don't know when I will feel like I am safe. My want to be positive nature lags sometimes in the motivation department. So, I am Left wondering, am I really? Am I really going to stay this way? OH my god where am I going to get the energy to survive this?

3. I am sick of ppl saying , "oh you are only 5 weeks pregnant, that is only a little bit pregnant." Ok, the morning sickness, the fact I lost my job, the fact my boobs hurt, the fact that I am blown out by the IVF drugs, I guess that makes me LESS PG than say, someone else, who just found out b/c she missed her period and her and her ultra fertile mate were just getting down and got it done.


That is it for now. I am going to go eat my nutritionally balanced meal...before I barf.

be well all....

cluck

I GOT IT

I got pregnant. I am PG right now. Yup...preggers. Can you friggin believe that?

I don't.

I don't believe it.

The more I ignore it, the less it seems to bother me that I DON"T believe IT.

I am messed up.

We are only 4 weeks 5 days PG today. Now stay with me here. I have officially MISSED my period if I was going to have one. If I was a fertile person, I would have tested positive on a home preggo test. Which I did. My blood work clearly is PG PG PG positive. So, nutcase me, I don't believe it.

I Feel like I am in withdrawl from my RE's office. Weekly, then bi weekly scans. Blood work blood work blood work. Then....BLAMO.....

Nothing. No more monitoring for two weeks. No more looks inside the ute for 2 freaking WEEKS..

Now. I am going through severe what is it called.....

I forget. I can't think straight because apparently...I AM PREGNANT!!!!!

Tell the paper!

love to the eggs...the hen