blah blah blah

You know what....I Figured it out....

Getting PG is the single hardest thing I ever set out to accomplish. Harder than college, harder than moving or finding a mate.

And it was something to DO. Getting PG or going through IVF implies doing something in my mind. And although it sounds obvious, a 15 grand doing something takes a lot out of a person, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. And out of the ppl who support them too.

Now, being PG. That is a totally different thing. That is a state of being, not doing. It is something that is, not that happens. I was super prepared to doing something to get PG. I read all the books, asked all the questions, saw doctors all the time.

But, this being pregnant thing, it requires a place and state of acceptance and calm that honestly, I was not prepared for at all. I was thinking only 1 second ahead at all time. Marking time with milestones in each section of IVF.

But, now, I am pregnant. And, this brings along its own set of emotional issues that I was unprepared for.

Ready....let's go!

1. I want someone to go in there and look. I spent so much time looking at my innards that well, I am having seperation anxiety.

2. I don't know when I will feel like I am safe. My want to be positive nature lags sometimes in the motivation department. So, I am Left wondering, am I really? Am I really going to stay this way? OH my god where am I going to get the energy to survive this?

3. I am sick of ppl saying , "oh you are only 5 weeks pregnant, that is only a little bit pregnant." Ok, the morning sickness, the fact I lost my job, the fact my boobs hurt, the fact that I am blown out by the IVF drugs, I guess that makes me LESS PG than say, someone else, who just found out b/c she missed her period and her and her ultra fertile mate were just getting down and got it done.


That is it for now. I am going to go eat my nutritionally balanced meal...before I barf.

be well all....

cluck