You know, I shared so much earlier in such a humour fashion even for me. And now, the mundane day to day life of being infertile just sort of takes over.
Until today.
Aunt FLO the real thing showed for the 1st time on her own accord since my miscarriage of justice.
I don't know when that was really without looking. Isn't that awful. It seems like eons ago but also like yesterday too.
Just what else...I am depressed..Yup...This is what happens. I take the drugs and they take the edge off. Yes they did.
It worked. YES IT DID! I must have dreampt this up just to hurt myself right? Because the wounds are still here. I ignore them better now, but they are still here.
I am exhausted beyond belief. The job I wanted badly in AK is gone now. That is ok, but we are still here.
I feel like I am in LIMBO waiting for something new to happen. So what happens, AUNT FUCKING FLO shows up to remind me that I am infertile. NO BABBY IN THERE moron.
Sigh
Fluck....
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Sunday, August 3, 2008
What to do now about having a family?
You know, I still want a baby. And so does my husband. So what do we do?
I don't really know.
We batted around the idea of donor embryo. This is where the product of someone else's IVF is donated to someone like me to use. I don't know much about it. Or even if it is done where we live. Or if my RE does it at all.
It seems like a viable solution.
Still, my immediate family is expanding but my house is still empty.
And the longing is still there. It isn't really getting any better. I am just learning to cover it up and hide it better I think.
We live in suburban family land here. There are preggos and babies everywhere. Kids rule this town and we re sort of like the outcast. There is us and the old people. Either way, we don't fit in.
That doesn't bother me as much as this obvious daily reminder that I can't have kids of my own. And the clock is still ticking away.
But, either way, it is time to start looking into other options. At least to get some ideas.
I want my baby back. My baby. The one my husband and I made. That is too much to ask for isn't it? Oh, it is so sad. It makes me sad this longing. Oh well...
Cluck...
I don't really know.
We batted around the idea of donor embryo. This is where the product of someone else's IVF is donated to someone like me to use. I don't know much about it. Or even if it is done where we live. Or if my RE does it at all.
It seems like a viable solution.
Still, my immediate family is expanding but my house is still empty.
And the longing is still there. It isn't really getting any better. I am just learning to cover it up and hide it better I think.
We live in suburban family land here. There are preggos and babies everywhere. Kids rule this town and we re sort of like the outcast. There is us and the old people. Either way, we don't fit in.
That doesn't bother me as much as this obvious daily reminder that I can't have kids of my own. And the clock is still ticking away.
But, either way, it is time to start looking into other options. At least to get some ideas.
I want my baby back. My baby. The one my husband and I made. That is too much to ask for isn't it? Oh, it is so sad. It makes me sad this longing. Oh well...
Cluck...
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