How do I move now? How do I? Who do I ask for help? My friends have all decided that they don't want me around anymore. They don't accept that things are going going gone south. You know what, this should come as no surprise. nothing surprises me anymore. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I know that there are simply not enough words to explain how I feel. And I Don't really expect people to understand. I don't. Because well...because no one can judge me unless they've walking in my shoes. Oh I hate that euphamizsm....
But its true. I don't want to be let down. I don't want others to be let down by me. I don't. And I Can't ask others to do for me what I can't do for myself. So, here is what I am asking in case anyone cares...
1. Do not judge me. You don't get it.
2. Don't be an ass to me. It only makes it worse.
3. Please listen to me. With an open heart and compassionate mind.
4. Do not apply judgement from past actions...this is different. This is bigger. This must be done.
I don't want to die an old maid. I don't want to be bitter and angry. Right now, I am bitter and angry. The old maid thing..well whatever. If I never have the pleasure of the flesh again, I guess I won't die. If I never get to love someone again...well that would be a shame. I am a very good, loving caring person who desperately wants more than anything to love...I do really.
I just don't want my life fucked up in the process and that I what has happened...
so...
fluck
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1 comment:
I am so glad to see that you have posted again... I was worried - I check your blog often. I am glad that you are still "here".
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