Have I told you how much this is sucking!

Aside from the shots, which are somewhat anti-climactic, and the hen-aches, which are managable most times, this whole IVF thing is sucking in the following ways:

1. I still go to work and am expected to stay on top of my sales game. Be on time. Be energetic and motivated. Be nice to my co-workers and make the 1 hour drive each day without falling asleep behind the wheel and/or killing the nutso drivers. Did I mention the weather was lousy last week too!

2. My mood swings go from rage to tearful to paranoid to needy to aloof to teary and back again. Oh, that is in one second of time.

3. I was anti-sexual before this. Now, I am really neuter. I don't want to mess up whatever is going on with sex act. Hmpf. This doesn't bother me too much. I am too mindful of what is going on to spend much energy on sexual expression. But, I am still here and so is my husband. Poor him. I feel bad.

4. I can't seem to make anyone happy this week and handily that is the best I can do. Show up, be awake and vertical. So sorry to anyone who may want more from me but isn't going to get it this week. And I don't think it is going to be better tomorrow.

On a brighter note: I do feel much better today. The hen-ache is virtually non-existant. I went to a seed starting class at a local smith and hawken store. Cool place. Cool class. Fun. Can't wait for a garden to start.

This makes me think that perhaps the whole IVF thing is failing. Because I am feeling well. Oh my head.

Tomorrow is our first ultrasound and blood test since it started on Monday with the last ultrasound and blood tests.

I tortured myself and went into Babies R Us. For no reason. Ended up buying two cute outfits for my 1 year old neice. There were so many moms dads and babies in there. I want one.

I WANT TO BE A MOM AND I WANT A BABY.

IVF is a really drag ladies and gents. It is surreal. Hard to manage. Painful and frustrating. Not for the weak of heart at all. I don't feel weak though. Quite strong actually. But still worried about it working and then dealing with the dreaded sense of being even MORE inadequate as a woman and a person.

The hen is tired. Must go to sleep in the nest. More from the roost tomorrow with some news.

If anyone reads this would you mind posting to me.

Cluck....

carla- the hen herself...