Keep your chin up....

That is what my dad said last night. "Keep your chin up." Good advice really. This is not for the faint of heart.

I am now taking a drug to induce a menstrual cycle. So I can bleed out the cause of our IVF pause. Prometrium is the name and progesterone is the game. If it doesn't work, then I need to have a D n C. Hooray... More surgery.

The thing that bugs me so and always has in this whole process is this: My husband and I desperately want a child. We are a stable relationship with good families on our side. And we can't have a child the "normal" way. We can't and we won't unless we go through this process. Or decide to bag it all at some point and adopt.

Adopt what? If we want an American baby, we would adopt a child from some woman or girl who can have kids but doesn't want one. Or it was an accident. Or they are druggies and can't keep one. Or, they are already over burdened with childen and don't want to have another.

I loathe these people. It comes so easy yet is so unwanted. I hate their uteruses and their ovaries for doing their job when the outcome is not desired. I hate those people who end up keeping that unwanted child for whatever reason, more child support, for public assistance, pure ignorance or whatever.

And I am not being judgemental in the normal sense. I am being judgemental because I am the other side of the coin and no matter how hard I chase the head, I am always going to be the tail. No matter what.

There is nothing I want more than a baby to call our own. And it breaks my heart because in some area high schools around here, girls are having babies because it is the latest trend...ha...right. Trendy.

When I was younger, I worked hard NOT to have a child. Because my mom told me, "We will not raise another child in this house" and because I knew it was NOT what I wanted for my life now.

Now, I am working even harder to have a child...the irony is killing me. So are the hormones.

6 more weeks of henaches before we can go on some LUPRON...hooray. Then more waiting and hoping...

Cluck...

the hen herself