I bought the biggest maxi pads I have ever seen in my life at CVS the other day. You know what, the days of trying to fit my big old whooha into the little thong size pantiliner sized maxi pads are OVER....AND TAMPONS...for get it. I want to see what is coming out of me. AND more importantly:
LET IS FLOW!
LET IT FLOW!
LET IT FLOW!
Yes, I am losing my mind. If I have to have a period while trying to conceive a child after a 1 week stint of follicle stimulating HENMONES...and LutHENizing HENMONES not to mention some prometriHEN then I WANT TO GO BIG....BIG PADS...BIG BOOBS... BIG MOOD SWINGS...BIG NEWS...on the horizon...
Yes, we go to the RE (reproductive endocrHENologist) on Thursday for an ULTRASOUND....To see if we can PROCEED....
IF not, then surgery. SURGERY..FUN....GET TO TAKE A DAY I GUESS...BUT W/O PAY....hmpf....
THEN we get to pay more money to get MORE HENMONES to shoot into my already confused as hell body. I still have like 2000 dollars of drugs in my refrigerator.
You know what...had we started when we planned to (WE DON"T NEED NO STINKING PLAN....DR. FrankHENstein the Reprodcutive endocrHENologist is in CHARGE...even he doesn't have a plan per se)...WE would have found out if we were PG already....or NOT...
I prefer the PG option....
Anyone?
CLUCK....
the hen herself
Showing posts with label IVF fears. Show all posts
Showing posts with label IVF fears. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Have I told you how much this is sucking!
Aside from the shots, which are somewhat anti-climactic, and the hen-aches, which are managable most times, this whole IVF thing is sucking in the following ways:
1. I still go to work and am expected to stay on top of my sales game. Be on time. Be energetic and motivated. Be nice to my co-workers and make the 1 hour drive each day without falling asleep behind the wheel and/or killing the nutso drivers. Did I mention the weather was lousy last week too!
2. My mood swings go from rage to tearful to paranoid to needy to aloof to teary and back again. Oh, that is in one second of time.
3. I was anti-sexual before this. Now, I am really neuter. I don't want to mess up whatever is going on with sex act. Hmpf. This doesn't bother me too much. I am too mindful of what is going on to spend much energy on sexual expression. But, I am still here and so is my husband. Poor him. I feel bad.
4. I can't seem to make anyone happy this week and handily that is the best I can do. Show up, be awake and vertical. So sorry to anyone who may want more from me but isn't going to get it this week. And I don't think it is going to be better tomorrow.
On a brighter note: I do feel much better today. The hen-ache is virtually non-existant. I went to a seed starting class at a local smith and hawken store. Cool place. Cool class. Fun. Can't wait for a garden to start.
This makes me think that perhaps the whole IVF thing is failing. Because I am feeling well. Oh my head.
Tomorrow is our first ultrasound and blood test since it started on Monday with the last ultrasound and blood tests.
I tortured myself and went into Babies R Us. For no reason. Ended up buying two cute outfits for my 1 year old neice. There were so many moms dads and babies in there. I want one.
I WANT TO BE A MOM AND I WANT A BABY.
IVF is a really drag ladies and gents. It is surreal. Hard to manage. Painful and frustrating. Not for the weak of heart at all. I don't feel weak though. Quite strong actually. But still worried about it working and then dealing with the dreaded sense of being even MORE inadequate as a woman and a person.
The hen is tired. Must go to sleep in the nest. More from the roost tomorrow with some news.
If anyone reads this would you mind posting to me.
Cluck....
carla- the hen herself...
1. I still go to work and am expected to stay on top of my sales game. Be on time. Be energetic and motivated. Be nice to my co-workers and make the 1 hour drive each day without falling asleep behind the wheel and/or killing the nutso drivers. Did I mention the weather was lousy last week too!
2. My mood swings go from rage to tearful to paranoid to needy to aloof to teary and back again. Oh, that is in one second of time.
3. I was anti-sexual before this. Now, I am really neuter. I don't want to mess up whatever is going on with sex act. Hmpf. This doesn't bother me too much. I am too mindful of what is going on to spend much energy on sexual expression. But, I am still here and so is my husband. Poor him. I feel bad.
4. I can't seem to make anyone happy this week and handily that is the best I can do. Show up, be awake and vertical. So sorry to anyone who may want more from me but isn't going to get it this week. And I don't think it is going to be better tomorrow.
On a brighter note: I do feel much better today. The hen-ache is virtually non-existant. I went to a seed starting class at a local smith and hawken store. Cool place. Cool class. Fun. Can't wait for a garden to start.
This makes me think that perhaps the whole IVF thing is failing. Because I am feeling well. Oh my head.
Tomorrow is our first ultrasound and blood test since it started on Monday with the last ultrasound and blood tests.
I tortured myself and went into Babies R Us. For no reason. Ended up buying two cute outfits for my 1 year old neice. There were so many moms dads and babies in there. I want one.
I WANT TO BE A MOM AND I WANT A BABY.
IVF is a really drag ladies and gents. It is surreal. Hard to manage. Painful and frustrating. Not for the weak of heart at all. I don't feel weak though. Quite strong actually. But still worried about it working and then dealing with the dreaded sense of being even MORE inadequate as a woman and a person.
The hen is tired. Must go to sleep in the nest. More from the roost tomorrow with some news.
If anyone reads this would you mind posting to me.
Cluck....
carla- the hen herself...
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