And now a gentler refrain

I try in my posts to focus less on the medical side of things and more on the what am I feeling side of things. I think for this one post at least I am going to start off in a different dreft...

I had a D&C on Friday of last week. Under general anethesia. My blood pressure shot up so high they couldn't give me the pittocin like medication to help my ute contract and expel contents even more. So, I didn't bleed at all on Sat and Sun afternoon. I thought, to myself...GREAT! This is going to go nice and clean and easy.

I was wrong!

On Sunday evening, around 11:30 pm, the worst pain ever started while sitting on the toilet and hasn't really let up since. I mean, honestly, writhing on the floor, crying out loud, scaring the dogs and probably the neighors type pain. I sat out here on my computer blaming myself for it. Broken stupid me. Until 6:30 am when my hubby got up. I had taken some heavy duty pain medication. I didn't work. I was going INSANE. I am not kidding.

SO, I called the doctor who did this to me's office...BLADDER INFECTION they proclaimed. Go get a urinalysis. Why, I asked? I am bleeding like mad at this point? Oh, they said, the blood is secondary to the bacteria they will find.

Let me clue you in gentle reader...

Despite all the hate I spewed forth in my last post for my body, I know it very well.

I do NOT have a BlADDER INFECTION...oh no. We are not going there again...like before.

For over 8 years, doctors all over the place, in Emergency rooms, in country clinics while on vacation, in major medical centers in important US cities diagnosed my writhing, penetrating, seriously debiliating PAIN....as

BlADDER INFECTION!

Guess what? I never was a only a bladder infection. See, my body is plagued with....drum roll please....

I like this color....ENDOMETRIOSIS....YES! Great globs of it...

So let me first apologize to my ovaries...because two years ago, after bouts of debiliating pain that were leading me towards losing my job, I had not 1 but two surgeries, one with a huge robot and 4 stomach inscions to save my ovaries from the ravages of hell and endometriosis....MAke that 6 stomach incisions....

Then, let me apologize to my uterus....endo all over that too...and a giant fibriod to boot. A bad one. TAKE IT OUT!

So....NOW.....guess what...

GO get tested for bladder infection, do a dirty urinalysis and we can then rule out anything serious like a BLADDER INFECTION.....saz the doctor who did this to me via his nurse.

Oh no. they weren't getting off that easy.

So, I throw bad 2 more heavy duty pain meds...hallucinate a little bit longer and wait until 2pm to see my family doctor who has NEVER EVER LET ME DOWN. THANK GOD FOR HIM!

I go in, he looks at me, takes my temp, pushes gently around and DECLARES!!!! RATHER EMphatically.....


You have more going on here than an BLADDER INFECTION and oh, I can't really get a good test of on your pee (he didn't use those words really) b/c of the BLOOD!!!!

So hubby and I (he is home from work for like the 2nd Monday in a row)...jump in the car and drive off to the Doctor who did this to me's office.

I am told to get on the scan table to be probbed again with the photographic dildo when I try to lay back..hey look at that....SHE CAN"T STRAIGHTEN OUT HER LEGS!!!!

Oh, when did this start the nurse exclaimed (I am trying to be dramatic but not for effect)...Husband was ready to jump out of skin and all over nurse. The doctor who did this to me comes in and proclaims....oh..you have a big blood clot in there.

And oh by the way, just to remind you, this is your fault he saz since you had high blood pressure while on the table on Friday and they couldn't give you the pittocin like drug....YOU REALLY SHOULD HAVE THAT LOOKED AT BY THE FAMILY DOC THAT COULDN"T DO THE BLOOD URINALYSIS on you...Did he take your BP while there? No...I say. Because it would have just been high anyway....

PAIN...remember? ? ? ?

So, now, huge amounts of antibiotics are pouring into me...for the mysterious NON-BLADDER infections....

I get to get gorked out on some other high power narcotic durg. That is fun! NOT....

And that is it!

I am sorry body of mine. I forget everything that plauges us sometimes. And it doesn't even mean I don't notice, it just means I forget.

I have to now, wait until the tissue passes. Sort of like elongated LABOR pains really. To pass the forgotten blood clot.

I should also mention...I don't have High blood pressure until I go to anethesia. I told that pusher drug man before he gorked me out major that I was susceptible to it while out and under and recovering. I guess he didn't think it was important enough to listen to me....I guess he also expects to get paid...

cluck....

the hen

Big pads, big dreams, big tears

I bought the biggest maxi pads I have ever seen in my life at CVS the other day. You know what, the days of trying to fit my big old whooha into the little thong size pantiliner sized maxi pads are OVER....AND TAMPONS...for get it. I want to see what is coming out of me. AND more importantly:

LET IS FLOW!

LET IT FLOW!

LET IT FLOW!

Yes, I am losing my mind. If I have to have a period while trying to conceive a child after a 1 week stint of follicle stimulating HENMONES...and LutHENizing HENMONES not to mention some prometriHEN then I WANT TO GO BIG....BIG PADS...BIG BOOBS... BIG MOOD SWINGS...BIG NEWS...on the horizon...

Yes, we go to the RE (reproductive endocrHENologist) on Thursday for an ULTRASOUND....To see if we can PROCEED....

IF not, then surgery. SURGERY..FUN....GET TO TAKE A DAY I GUESS...BUT W/O PAY....hmpf....

THEN we get to pay more money to get MORE HENMONES to shoot into my already confused as hell body. I still have like 2000 dollars of drugs in my refrigerator.

You know what...had we started when we planned to (WE DON"T NEED NO STINKING PLAN....DR. FrankHENstein the Reprodcutive endocrHENologist is in CHARGE...even he doesn't have a plan per se)...WE would have found out if we were PG already....or NOT...

I prefer the PG option....

Anyone?

CLUCK....

the hen herself

Introduction - the Hen house

Where to begin? First, let me say this, I am no expert of infertility and I am not particularly interested in "baby dust" and "good luck to your embies" and this is the best - "hoping your follies do ok today". Nope. Not me. There is no such think as an embie, a follie or baby dust. As cute as it is and how ever it may help one or another to get over the whole devastation of being infertile and move into the even more interesting zone of infertility treatment. It is just not me. So don't, please don't expect me to use those terms. I won't. Not cute to me. And also, I don't like it when bloggers on fertility sites say things like 2dpt and BFN/BFP of those other TLAs that make my head hurt even more that it already does. With that being said:

Let me begin...

My name is Carla. I am a 38 year old married woman. My husband is a 32 year old man who I am married to now almost 2 years. I never subscribed to the "backlashy" notion that my biological clock was ticking. And because of that, I didn't marry the first or the second person that ever asked me. I am proud of that. I love my husband more that words can say. He is the best person I know. I am proud that we are married NOW in this time in our lives. We say often that our only mistake was that we didn't find each other sooner in life.

But, after a year of surgery to repair my painfully body parts and another year working very hard to get my career and more importantly my head on straight, we are now ready and able to proceed into the infertility treatment zone.

And it began on Sunday.

Well, it began in December last year (2007) then was sort of pushed off b/c of money reasons until February, then we found out that my ovaries were not on board with us so we had a month of birth control pills...funny huh? And so, this SUNDAY we started.

With shots.

This is needles people! Lots of them. And we are just starting. So...there you go.

That is the intro. I am sure I will have more to say in a minute. But I don't want these to get to verbose.

Please, if you read this....please say a little prayer for Will and Carla and the baby.

Now, get back to work!


Next blog....who is the hen?