Day 4 of drug poppin pain

I am in pain folks. Again...it is day let's see - the start of day4 of pill poppin pain. I haven't eaten anything much since Saturday. I feel like garbage...I look like garbage. Did I mention I probably also smell bad too.

I sleep most of the time. It feels good to sleep but still laundry piles up, bills are piling up, my hubby is sad too. He wants to sleep most of the time too. Just being alive right now is a herculian effort.

On the bright side...no there is not bright side. Not today.

Maybe tomorrow.

On a side note though...this thought, w/o completion keeps running through my head - here it is, ready?

"When I was a kid......________________________________________"

Just that...it is almost like a sentance I need to fill in the blank for. And I would say it enters my mind quite frequently during the day and night. When I was a kid......then blank.

Last night for fun, I tried to complete the sentence but nothing really readily came to mind. Could it be that my childhood is being evacuated from my memory? Would that be so awful really?

I was told once by my therapist that going through IVF treatments, getting PG etc is causing me to have a values redefinition period. It is late, I don't know if she really said it in those particular words. But, she was right.

WHen I was a kid..I.......NOTHING. I can't fill it in.

Hmmm....

The doctor who did this to me wants me to come in for a PG test. Ha. HOw ironic. WE are testing now to make sure my PG numbers are going down...THis sucks huh? So, I am going in on Friday. That is the 4th of July right? I guess this is assuming I am going to be feeling good enough to get in the shower to go anywhere.

MOre family gatherings this weekend. More babies and Preggos. To deal with. I am a saint.

Hey, all you ppl who are out there considering IVF, consider this....IT DOESN"T WORK MOST OF THE TIME. And I am not just speaking from experience. I am speaking statistically. Why doesn't it work? B/c there is no other form of practicing medicine in existance today that works off of such low in the hole outcomes and can still get paid. Want to know why? Because we want babies bad enough to tempt the odds. Either we are sickos for putting up with such bad odds, or we are just desperate. Right now, I am going to stick with the first supposition. Earlier in my treatment program, I would have bought the desperate part. I am not buying that anymore. I will tell you more why later I guess. If i can remembe.r

Right now, I am not sure I can remember my own name. Did I mention Day 4 of pill poppin pain? ? ??
Oh I did...

cluck this.